The Visit

There was a Mother's morning at Finn's school this week. It was both beautiful and heartbreaking. We sang with them, played with them, painted and had a music class - all of which was pretty spontaneous (chaotic is such a strong word...).
The hardest part was leaving mid morning. Finn's entire class turned into one sobbing mess - ALL of them were in tears.

April

Then it was April. Autumn in Pretoria. Soft light, cool mornings, earlier sunsets. On weekends we recuperate - during the week we work until late at night. This is how it is right now, and we make what we can of it. Finn teaches us many lessons about the world. He is the mirror in which we see so much and yet so little of ourselves.

Sixteen months

Then there was a small holiday at the coast. You loved it so much, little dark-haired boy.

Fifteen months

Our miracle boy.

Fourteen months

We are a bit late with this post...

You had your first haircut, your mom almost didn't make it but the hairdresser was awesome about it. She really did a great job: she came out to our house to do it while you played. On the same day you also met Simfox, your granddad's horse. He is a lovely soul and has a velvet-soft nose. You were really infatuated. Your world is getting bigger and bigger my sweet boy.

Thirteen months

Look at you, beautiful boy! You can say a few words like "ta-ta" and "daar's hy (da-dy)". You love talking on the phone, anything that resembles a phone goes to your ear...
Mommy loves your curls and she does not want your hair to be cut until you are at least five.

One Year

Sweetest boy, you are ONE. I really have no words for how this past year have been - we had some of the best and some of the worst times. You took everything in your stride and you've never been difficult without reason. We love you for all that you are. May there be much much more of you.

Three years ago...

...we said yes. It was a great great day and I always look back with fond memories. Three years, many adventures, some heartache and a beautiful baby boy later, I'm more and more thankful for this man with his rock-steady personality, his honesty, his patience, DIY-skills, love for his son, eye for detail, and most of all...his love for me. Happy anniversary, my Liefie.

The first month

Our beautiful boy is one month old. We are so in love with this tiny human who changed our lives forever. We have good days and interesting days. We are mostly exhausted and sometimes a bit tearful but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

I can stare at this angelic face for hours, still not quite believing that we are the parents of this miracle baby.

I never knew a love like this existed.

And then we were three

Dearest Finn,

Welcome to the world.

We love you so so much.

Your Mom and Dad.

Six months

I find taking pregnancy photos very intimate and to a certain extent embarrassing but I figure that one day I'll be glad I took them. This is a great time in our lives and we love fantasizing about the life we are going to have with our little boy. Apart from the fatigue I had an easy pregnancy so far - which I am very grateful for.

Some things I noticed about life, my body and people so far:

- The staring at my belly...unashamedly and openly - colleagues, strangers, friends, family. I am fine with it. Really, I am.

- Remarks about how beautiful I look, which I appreciate very much since every morning is a wardrobe crisis.

- People asking me about the nursery. I always get flustered and try to explain that the apartment is too small and little boy will have to share it with us and the study for the time being. It is sort of expected that Baby will have his own room but for now it's just not going to happen. Off course we are planning to make it as comfortable and beautiful for him as we can.

- The change in our families: Since it will be the first grandchild on both sides everyone is extremely excited. I feel closer to the parents and siblings than ever before.

- It just takes a little kick in the belly to remind me that life is so much more now, so much more than my daily worries and anxieties, so much more than the small irritations, so much more than other people's accomplishments and money and things, so much more than my own little world.

- Advice from other moms. Sometimes it is unasked for but most of the times it is helpful so I'm thankful for that as well.

- Becoming more comfortable in my own skin. I had serious body issues. Now I just stare at this big belly in amazement -  it's hard to believe that there's actually a tiny human being in there. I also secretly love showing off the bump.

- The joy on my husband's face when he touches my belly and the little man kicks up a storm.

PS. This post is dedicated to my late friend Almarie, who was a huge fan of this blog and asked me hundreds of times to take pregnancy photos. She recently passed away in a tragic accident. This is for you, friend. Peace be with you.

You had us at hello

Dear little human,

We are incredibly excited to finally share the news of your arrival late December 2013. We instantly loved you when we saw your little heart beat and we know that you will change our world for the better.

Love, your Mom and Dad.

Ouma

My grannie turned 80 last week. We went to Groblersdal to celebrate. We saw family members that we haven't seen in years. Some of the cousins are also Pretoria inhabitants but our lives are so different that we are basically blood-strangers. It saddens me sometimes. These people I grew up with.

But the day was about her. This incredible woman whom I love so much. I love her big personality - her loud laughs, her tears, her stories, her stubbornness, her white-white hair, the way in which she sends me beautiful text messages and the way in which I disappear in her big soft body when she hugs me.

I fondly remember the farm days: her kitchen, the dark dining room with the lazy susan, her baking, my grandpa's bottle of rooibos tea she made him every morning, the fly screens on the windows, the donkey (water heater) we had to fire up every evening so that we could have hot water, the red soil, the naartjie grove. I remember our bath times when I had to wash her back and how I made her guess the pictures I drew with soap.

My grandpa was clearly missed at the celebration. I felt an emptiness when I thought about him - how he would just quietly sit and observe the festivities and how he would say or do something funny, just to tease my grandma. I miss his kind spirit more often as I get older.

The girls of the family. I was the only female cousin for 13 years until Monet and then Ria-Marie came along (left). Back right and middle: my mom and her sister

This is two-thirds of the whole bunch. Even though a bit blurry, I absolutely adore this photo. My brothers. My beautiful cousins. My family.